Saturday, July 28, 2007

Oh, the Smell of Success

"Burning Bright" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.
"Grayce" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.
"Two Socks & Wyntje" - 5 x 7" colored pencil on paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater
Private commission; click here for commission info.

I have a terrible problem. I know, you've been reading about how I've gotten an offer on my novel, one of my pieces is hanging with the Colored Pencil Society of America's international exhibition, my business is doing really well -- and you're wondering what could be wrong?

My car stinks.

Oh, you say, her ego's getting gigantic. Too good for her Passat now. She needs a Maserati. But, no, really. My car stinks. Somehow a container of milk that we got for the kids on a road trip rolled under a seat and exploded. Imagine. 16 ounces of full milk + 100 degree Virginia summer + rolled up windows for a few days.

= gag reflex.

Despite being warned by my husband, I actually attempted to use the car to go to the post office today. Armed with a bottle of Febreze and nerves of steel, I got into the car. Oh wow. Oh yikes. Oh man. If a woolly mammoth had stepped on a skunk, gotten soaking wet, sweated for 3 billion years, and never showered -- and then died -- maybe it could begin to smell as bad as my car. Seriously. I played in a pipe band for four years. I saw huge guys with huge folds and heavy-weight wool kilts in Virginia summers, and I have never smelled anything this bad before. That. Is. Saying. A. Lot.

I had to take out the offending floor mat before I could even get down the driveway. Even then, my eyes were watering more than an Oscar winner's. We were now in serious windows-rolled-down-wind-buffeting-our-hair territory. Anything to keep from sharing air with the offending back seat floor carpet.

By the time I got home, it was no more Mrs. Nice Guy. I was done spritzing the floor with Febreze. Hand shaking with the passion of my decision, I dumped the whole $%^& container there. You know what I got? Soaking wet stinky $ss carpet.

I guess it's time for the big guns, some voodoo magic carpet cleaner maybe. Or perhaps that Maserati.


Anita said...

Oh I know that smell so well! It happened to me too! If its any consolation it wears off eventually - in about 2 years! Of course you will be driving your Maserati by then! This made me laugh - and I needed that today! Thank you!

Quilt Knit said...

Children are so wonderful! All the smells they give us.
Wait till they grow up.

((( Circle of Funny Hugs )))

Anonymous said...

Hi Maggie,
I have some suggestions:
Formula 409 makes a Pet stain remover. I would also recommend any of the Pet stain cleaning products( you could buy them at any Petsmart chain). I recently used this for my dog's GI ditress episode, it's made by Clorox. They make an Oxiclean product. I think any or a combination of these would help. And if all else fails try one of the "De-Skunking" shampoo cleaners that's for the poor unfortunate canine. Good Luck.

Jo Castillo said...

Maggie, I like the drawings, especially the puppy. :)

Argh, on the smell in the car. Perhaps you could have it detailed and let someone else get the smell out!


tania said...

That is too funny... even more hilarious? There's a distubingly large number questions on websites with this exact same problem - the milk problem, not the life's perfect problem - you're on your own there!

Chumplet said...

Steam cleaner, The Steam Shark, or a wetvac to suck up the goop after you slosh good smelling wet stuff all over it.

And hose down the mat.

Or get a Maserati.

Baking soda? Club soda?

A neighbour's cat sprayed on our car, and every time it rained it smelled like piss. Ew.

Cooper Dragonette said...