Why I Love My Job

It's officially getting to be warm weather so for me it means portrait and photo-shoot season. After working my butt off getting inventory for the summer shows all winter, now it's time to trot them out (pun OH SO intended) and pick up commissions for the rest of the year. This year might be the first year that I turn commissions down, actually, because I've already got a backlog going on, before I've even started really getting out and about.

Anyway, this last Saturday was my first photo shoot of the year, and every time I go on one I marvel that I'm paid to do this - go out, take photos of gorgeous horses (in this case a very well-behaved Connemara stallion), and create artwork from them. I had a great time and I got ice cream, which always makes for a great day, and the photos are looking good so far.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Blue Light Special on Interstate 95

"May Kittens Purr You To Sleep" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on Bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

"Vitruvian Cat" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil and ink on Bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

You would think after awhile I would get used to cops, you know, being a cop's wife and everything. Uh, no. After however many years it's been, I still give myself a minor heart attack every time I see a light bar in my rear view mirror. Even if it's on a tow truck. Even if it's on a fire chief's car. Even if it's on my husband's police car because we're taking his car into the shop, and I forgot that he was behind me.

I still remember at his last department, looking out the window of our house and seeing three squad cars coming down the road to our house. My first thought as the innocent wife of a policeman?

Oh, God, what did I do now!?

Only to find it was my husband bringing two coworkers over for dinner. Duh. Guilty conscience, m'dear?

I suppose I wouldn't be quite so bad about it if I was not so bad of a speeder. It's not that I don't try to obey the law. I do. Really I do. Okay, really I don't. I like to drive fast. So sue me. At least I don't throw McMissile's into other people's cars or drive into people's living rooms. There are worse things than driving above the speed limit when precious few other cars are around.

Of course, law enforcement officials disagree with me, as I have discovered more times than I care to recount.

Since I've been married to a cop, I've tried to clean up my act though, and it's been forever since I had a speeding ticket (forever since they caught me anyway, heh heh heh). I feel like there ought to be a AA meeting for speeders.

"Hi, my name is Maggie, and I've been 502 days without a speeding ticket."

"Oh, wow, let's everyone give Maggie a hand."

"Oh, thanks, thanks, I've been trying hard."

"Hey, Maggie, could you give Donna over here a ride home afterwards? She hasn't been clean for 502 days, and her license was suspended yesterday."

So I wonder if other cop's wives are the same? Do they freeze up every time they see the pretty blue flashing lights? Call them nasty names like "pigs" and "donut eaters," with the exception of their husbands, who they call "sweetheart" and "dear?"

Of course, as a cop's wife, I can tell you, they are really there to help you, and when you need a cop, you need a cop. Selfless servants of the people, they put themselves in harm's way in the middle of the night, the rain, the snow, whatever, because that's their job.

Uhhh . . . but they are really there to give you tickets too. So eyes on those rear-view mirrors, ladies!

A Friendly Butt-Kicking from Your Favorite Blogging Artist

"Cat with a Pearl Earring" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on Bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

10 Free Life-Lessons on Being a Professional Artist:

1. Paint or draw every day. Even if the result is a horrible grey mess or a cat juxtaposed in an Old Master's painting, you've exercised the creative part of your brain.

2. Sketch everything everywhere. You want to know the definition of embarrassing? Some inlaw asking a professional artist if they can draw their pet, child, face, etc., and the artist replying "I can't draw without gridding/ tracing/ hours of prep work."

3. Keep a huge inventory of all sizes. When someone sighs over your 18 foot long masterwork of horses making a salad, snooker them into buying a notecard or 8 x 10" instead.

4. For Pete's sake, get yourself out there and I don't mean group shows. No, you don't have to sleep with anyone to get what you want, but there are ways and means of getting solo shows and booths in front of people. The only thing stopping you are the excuses you make to yourself.

5. Forget the idea that an artist paints what moves him/ her and paints when he/she is moved. A professional artist is moved deeply by the electric bill. And a professional artist more often than not realizes that if their ultimate vision of painting horses preparing organic meals is not selling like hotcakes, it'll take a back burner to something a bit more popular until an opportunity opens up for the ultimate vision.

6. Professional artists look professional. They don't apologize for what they do, they are as confident putting their product out there as a realtor or fine jeweler, and they don't have crappy business cards printed out on their own computer. Spring for the gorgeous glossy 500 for $30 box done by a professional printer.

7. Oh yeah, and get yourself a website. Every time I hear an artist telling me that they're "getting around to it" or worse, they're "a computer idiot," I want to start spanking them with a keyboard. I sell 85% of my work via some sort of online medium. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

8. Don't give up during the slow months. And oh yes, my pet, there will be slow months. Don't think of them as that, though. Think of them as "Spaghetti-Os Months" or "Pork & Beans Months." But for every lean month that you stick out, you'll have a fat one down the road.

9. Specialize. I don't care if you can paint houses, mouses, foxes, boxes, boats, stoats, green eggs & ham -- you will get farther in life if you pick only one or two subjects and styles. Get known for something. Chris Rock can sing too -- but who cares? People want to identify you with one thing - Maggie, that Horse Artist.

10. Be Nice. Yeah, you're an introvert. So what, so am I. All artists are, I think. But if you don't get over it and get to where you can talk to people with a big smile and enthusiasm, you'd better hope you have a helluva website. I gradually got over my fear of speaking in public, and yes, after a long workshop with a lot of people, I do go home and curl in a fetal position and sleep for a day to recouperate. But I get out there. I teach. I sell. I make a living doing what I love.

Now get out there and get busy.

I Like Saying the Word "Yugo"

"Summer" - private commission
copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
email me at portraitswithcharacter @ gmail.com for commission information.

Today I realized that I very much enjoy saying the word Yugo, which led me on a search for others who felt the same way. I discovered this website along the way. Not only did these people enjoy saying Yugo as well, they were also artists. An eerily perfect match.

Consider Yourself Blogged

"Whistler's Mother's Cat" 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Those who know me well know that I nearly always have my almost supernaturally nice camera (Canon Rebel, thanks for asking) with me. Because it's digital, I have absolutely no guilt or compunction about taking photographs of everything that moves me, including the bizarre or idiotic. My husband is already familiar with the phrase "Consider yourself blogged!" as I shout it out to some unique person or situation destined to end up on my blog. Well, the following are photos that got that same shout out, for reasons I will explain below.



This girl has the brains to put tape over her broken tail light, to keep rain from getting in and cops from figuring it out. Whoo. This so wasn't worth blogging about until . . .


I realized she'd taped all the little fragments onto the light for safekeeping. What's she going to do, reassemble the tail light? It's not an antique, lady. Buy a new one.


You can't read the orange letters because of the motion blur (the camera shook when I whiplashed back to see this), but they read: MAGGIE. And the white stuff below says: BUY ME. What, you don't believe me? You can't prove it's not true.


This fulfilled a childhood dream of mine, to see a truck with www.howlingmonkey.com inscribed on the back. Perhaps on its own it was not blog worthy, but . . .


. . . . it has a portrait of my favorite anthropology professor from school on the side! What are the odds? I had to snap a pic.

I also took a photo of a guy in a power truck, just to freak him out, and a picture of a guy who was legging it across a field looking like Ichabod Crane, but I figured it would be cruel and unusual to post them here. Maybe next time. And watch out for that girl with the camera. It could be me smiling in the car next to you, getting ready to snap a pic and shout, "Consider Yourself Blogged!!!!"

I'm going to name my game show that. And yes, when I'm Queen of America, I will have my own game show.

A Beginner's Guide to Cat Care

"All Dressed Up" - 11 x 14" acrylic on canvas.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

The answers to the top ten most frequently asked questions about cat care, answered by a non-expert in the field.

1. Q: Are cats easy to take care of?
A: I've heard chimpanzees are worse.

2. Q: Where should I go to find a cat?
A: Your back door, next to that torn open trash bag.

3. Q: Now I have a cat. I think it has fleas. What should I do?
A: Start itching.

4. Q: What should I feed my cat?
A: Whatever it wants. It's ruler of your house now.

5. Q: How can I tell if it's a boy or a girl?
A: Name it something decidedly gender-oriented; it will be the opposite of the name you choose.

6. Q: Why is my cat eating grass?
A: To make his puke green.

7. Q: My cat is scratching on the end of my couch. What do I do?
A: Turn that end of the couch towards the wall.

8. Q: What makes cats purr?
A: Survival instinct. A purring cat has never been beaten, even when surrounded by broken flower pots.

9. Q: My cat lies on top of my keyboard, making it send gibberish emails to my friends. Is there a way to keep a cat out of certain areas?
A: Only serious questions, please. This one was rhetorical, right?

10. Q: I just got settled in with my new cat, but now there's another orange cat that's hanging around my back door. Is it advisable to have more than one cat?
A: They come in 10 fun flavors and colors. Collect them all. Doesn't matter, actually. They'll collect you, no matter what you want.

It's a whole 'nother food group

"Cat in a Bowler Hat - spoof after Magritte" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on Bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Some days, you can tell when I've had cookie dough for most of my meals.

Mutual Appreciation

Okay, this girl is funny, and I appreciate funny.

May I Refill Your Drink? Not!

"Collected" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on Mi-Tientes paper
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater
Click here to bid.

I was a waitress for a week and a half.

At the time I thought it was the worst job I think I have ever had, and now, looking back tenderly upon my college years, I wonder what made me think that. I mean, I was working two others at the same time, and they shared a lot of the same components: crummy hours, crummy pay, being forced to talk to people who called me "missy." I think what did it was the Code.

I will not mention the name of the restaurant where I worked, lest feelings grow hurt and gravy gets cold. But I don't think it's saying too much to say they had country comfort sort of food. And no, it's not the first restaurant that is coming to your mind. Anyway, at this restaurant, they were all about efficiency. Corporate bigwigs would anonymously audit the stores in the form of fat people ordering sweet tea to be sure everything was running smoothly (sneaky sneaky!) and they were very strict about all policies that had anything to do with time management.

But the Code was the worst.

As a new waitress, the first thing you had to do was memorize the menu in shorthand. For every item on the menu, there was a one or two letter abbreviation for it, with an additional one or two letter abbreviation for the selected sides and drink. Supposedly, this made it more efficient for the waitresses to jot down the orders and easier for the kitchen staff to interpret the ticket and efficiently get the food out. For instance, if someone said, "I'll have the Beef Tip Noodle Casserole with a side of carrots and mashed potatoes" and that someone's wife said "And I'll have the Cobb Salad with a baked potato and broccoli," the ticket might look something like this:

BTWCMP
MUAHAHAHA

As someone famous once said, in this way lies insanity. In the amount of time it took my poor overworked college brain to work out the letter combinations necessary for making sure Someone #1 got carrots instead of cauliflower (is the abbreviation C for carrots? Or CA? Do we even have carrots? What is my name? I forgot my major. How late am I working?), I could've just written his order down straight and the kitchen staff could've read it and made it.

So, yeah, I lasted a week and a half. I quit in the middle of my shift after I was told by the kitchen staff that my C looked like an L and did I mean Carrots or Lettuce? I took all the letters I had not used in the past week and combined them into as many cutting phrases as possible and left.

Seriously. I should've just cleaned toilets or something. TTFN. (That's a more efficient way of saying I'll see you later)

Just the Fax, Ma'am

"The Seat Perilous" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

You can learn lots of things by reading the news. For instance, today I learned what was required to escape from a Kentucky prison (no, you country-music listeners, a dog named "Ol Red" is not on the list):

1. a fax machine
2. a sixth grade competency of the English language
3.

Oh wait, there's no number three.

So the story goes like so. A nineteen-year-old beats an elderly man for being old and is arrested. The Hickman Police Department (the name says it all, doesn't it?) hold him for mental examination. They receive a fax filled with grammatical errors saying that the Kentucky Supreme Court demands the kid's release.

(Transcript:

To Whos it May Concern:

Y'all better let Timothy out of that there jail or else there's gonna be ass-whooping coming down.

Signed here on this here day,

Kentucky Supreme Court)

So they let him go.

Two weeks later, the police realized that the fax had been sent from the local grocery store. After verifying that the Supreme Court had not sent any faxes from any grocery stores that day, they realized something may be amiss.

Hmm. I'm not sure who I'm rooting for here . . .

Limericks of My Life

"Friendly Competition" - 11 x 14" colored pencil on pastelbord.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to see purchase info.

There once was a poor girl who painted
Her eyeballs with poor version were taint'd
To the eye doctor she ducked
He said "That'll be 250 bucks,"
And then that poor girl she fainted.

Slapping Fate About the Head and Face

"Not a Morning Person" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Today I was an idiot. I mopped my kitchen. Anyone who has ever had the folly to do this will realize this is every bit as bad as washing your car, painting a wall, or mowing the lawn. This is no mere chore. It's tempting fate. It's throwing down the gauntlet before the Gods of Chaos. It's tantamount to standing on top of a mountain and shouting obscenities at the deity of your choice (God, Buddha, Allah, NBC). You're just begging for a punishment equal to your hubris.

This afternoon was no exception. I mopped the floor. The room was filled with the pleasant scent of orange cleaner and my heart swelled with the knowledge that the floor was clean enough to eat off. I didn't realize that I'd have to.

The first casualty of the day was my two year old Victoria. I saw her head bobble for a brief moment before her feet raced out from under her. Faster than an enebriated pop star in a skanky bar, she was down on the floor.

"Oh, sorry, Mama," Victoria said as I helped her up.

"You don't have to say sorry," I pointed out. "You're the one who fell."

"I'm going away," Victoria said, characteristically ignoring my life lesson. "It's too dangerous."

I foolishly thought that with that little episode the Gods of Chaos had been satisfied. But no, these things come in threes, of course. Victim number two: a can of Spaghetti-O's (the sort augmented by "meat"balls), launched from my sister's hands onto the pristine floor. The song "On Top of Spaghetti" became fact as "meat"balls rolled in all directions.

"No worries," I said, as I carried a cutting board laden with cubed beef towards the oven. "This floor is officially clean enough to eat off." Cubed beef inexplicably jumps from the cutting board. Across the room my dog's eyes grow as big as saucers. I thrust the board onto the counter to prevent further dinner hemmorhaging, and gaxe at the pile of beef on the tile.

A small, cosmic voice crows in the distance.

"Now we're even."

Rod Stewart vs. Nick Lachey

Commission in progress - colored pencil on colorfix paper
email me at portraitswithcharacter @ gmail.com for commission info.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.

I worry about the future of the Backstreet Boys. Not just them -- I worry about the future of NSync too. Not their future albums, or anything, but their future as individuals. What will become of them? It's not as if the general public has assigned any unique traits to the band members. They will not have the legacy of the greats of the 80s. Even people who weren't fans in great 80s singers' heyday can still attach significance to their names:

Billy Joel - that dude who sang "Uptown Girl" and now crashes his car into businesses and lampposts every 6 months or so

Elton John - the weird guy with big sunglasses and a piano. Somehow associated in most people's minds with the word "crocodile."

Rod Stewart - the singer who looks like Tina Turner but sounds like he needs a throat lozenge

Phil Collins - the last member of Genesis to actually earn any money by opening his mouth in a musical fashion

Meatloaf - something about bats and hell?

But what of the members of our current boy bands? Once they stop producing hit albums (uhh, which may have been last year), what will happen to their psychological states as they fade from the public eye, weirdly frozen in collective conscience as a bunch of boys with falsettos and tight pants?

Boy, oh, boy, I'd hate to be their kids.

Neighborhood kid: "Hey, your dad's watching music videos again."
Spawn of NSync: "He's reliving his past."
Neighborhood kid: "The music they played at his prom, or something?"
Spawn of NSync: "I don't want to talk about it."

Oh, what price fame, high pitched boy bands? What price fame?

33

"Peanuts Do Not Like Getting Wet" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on Bristol paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

I was going to write a funny post today, until I heard the news at lunchtime while I was working. 33 people dead after a shooting at Virginia Tech, right here in my state.

I can't bring myself to write something funny today. I don't care what that gunman thinks motivated his shooting - we saw pure evil at work today.

In the time that you'd normally spend reading my (of course entertaining and funny) posts, I ask that you either say a prayer for the families of those poor college kids, talk to your kids about the shooting, or vow to do one nice gesture for every person killed at the college today. We can't bring them back and we can't give the coward justice, but maybe we can make the world a little less evil while we pay our respects.

And I'll be back tomorrow.

The Wonderful World of eBay

"Sleeping with the Enemy" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on bristol paper
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

While I am not an avid brick-and-mortar sale shopper, I must confess that I do peruse eBay occasionally, hoping to snag a new (well, new to me) pair of jeans for $2.00 (when you understand that 4 of my 5 pairs of jeans having some form of paint splattered on them, you can see why I need to economize) or some such deal. But even more entertaining than actually doing any shopping is reading the weird auctions. I mean, ads for used stuff in a newspaper are interesting enough, but some of them on eBay are downright hilarious.

For starters, people will sell anything on eBay. For instance, a quick perusal of eBay's offerings tonight include

• SEDUCE THE GIRL NEXT DOOR w/ Mind Control Brainwash - polygamy and cult control.
• BECOME INVISIBLE and walk around unseen by people - rare! (I wonder if this is an ad for a Mary Washington College sweatshirt and baggy jeans?)
  
• The Easy Button from the Staples commercial (current bid is $688)
• Art of Levitation
• A Marriage Proposal (not what I thought - they just do it for you)
• A Roll of Toilet Paper
• A box of some guy's ex-girlfriend's stuff that his current girlfriend wants out of the house
• A squirrel head mounted in a birdhouse
• museum quality shrunken head (because I hate those #$%^ cheap hobbyist ones)
  

Now you just can't find that stuff at Wal-Mart. And no, I will not give out the links. You have to find those auctions yourselves, you weirdos.

An American Tradition

"Isgard - a color study" - 2.5 x 3.5"
colored pencil on drafting film.
Click here to bid.

Through no fault of my own, I have no television. Well, I have a television, I just can't watch anything other than DVDs of Scrubs and Dead Like Me and Dora the Explorer on it, because the satellite company says we have too many trees on our lot to get signal. (Does this sound like Work Avoidance to anyone else? Believe me, I know Work Avoidance.) Anyway, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that even though I have had no television since January 29th, I still know exactly what's happening on American Idol because no one can stop talking about it.

This is sad, people.

Every show is the same. The singers that win don't go on to make albums that you just have to have. The winner is not an American Idol. They sing on Ford commercials. But everybody knows about it. The majority of Americans probably can't name the Supreme Court judges, but I'll bet they can tell me who's still left on American Idol.

The entire concept of having America vote for their favorite singer would be great if there weren't so many citizens that prized girls with big boobs, guys with funny hair, and people who sang their favorite Cher song almost in key. The point is that for every person who votes for the right reasons, there is a We Love Sanjaya club that is voting for the wrong one. (Did I spell Sanjaya right? Am I close?)

So I think the only people who should be allowed to vote for the next American Idol are people who have already bought CDs from previous American Idols. If you don't believe in the system, you shouldn't be able to vote, right? What's that? That reduces the number of voters buy 235,00,000? Ohhhhh . . . .

Tobias

"Tobias" - 11 x 14" colored pencil on pastelbord.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
email me at portraitswithcharacter @ gmail.com to purchase ($550 original) or reserve a print ($90 on canvas)

Just wanted to post my latest full size piece that I finished up today. Still not varnished, which will deepen the colors and fill my garage with lovely toxic smelling fumes to boot, but close enough for government work.

Warp Spasm

"Heavy Sleeper" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Gentle readers, I fear I may have misled you into believing me to be a perpetually sunny person. As charming as that sounds, in a kind of Pollyanna sort of way, I'm afraid it is just not so. In fact my husband refers to me as Morticia Addams and when we got married my mother warned him that I was Wednesday Addams. Moreover, I sometimes lose my temper.

It is temper about which I write tonight. Most things really aren't worth me losing my temper, but there are two biggers that never fail:

1) toddlers jumping up and down on last nerve
2) mothers who tell me their toddlers never get on their nerves.

Liars, the lot of them. Drives me insane. In fact, it puts me in mind of ancient Irish folklore such as I studied in college. The greatest Irish hero, Cuchullain, would get into such a battle rage that he would undergo a "warp spasm." The texts are of course translated from Old Irish and are not perfect, but the gist of it was that all of his joints began to shake, his body was twisted round in its skin so his knees stuck out the back and heels out the front, etc., one eyeball popped out and the other sucked in, and . . . what else? Oh yeah, his hair stood up so straight from his head that if an apple were to fall on him, it would be spiked upon his hair. And then he started beating people up.

This sounds a lot like what happens when I finally red line and get mad. This, gentle readers, is why I need an advil sometimes. I must confess that a warp spasm occured just two days ago on my part when I discovered that my two year old was throwing dishes over the balcony to see if the cat could catch them.

The cat couldn't, in case you were wondering.

And I clearly recall one before that when I found my younger toddler stirring cat food into the water dish with two of his diecast cars.

Now, I know my kids can't be the only kids who chew on my nerves to pass the time. All kids do a bit of nerve-severing every now and again. So you women out there who look at me scathingly when I say I lose my temper -- well -- take this!

(insert one-fingered wave here)

Hmm, I hope my priest doesn't read this. It would probably put him into a warp spasm.

When Easter Candy Goes Bad

"Conflict of Interest" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

"Caught in the Stack" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

So it is now officially the end of Easter. The bunny has come and gone, leaving behind mounds of sugar for all toddlers to consume and all mothers to remove from the carpet. Can you believe how difficult it is to pry a Toosiepop off carpet? Really, the government should look into the biochemical make up of those things. They've got to be better used as industrial adhesive.

But now, of course, comes that frightening time for all Seasonal Candies. I don't mean M & Ms or Butterfingers or Snickers, of course. Those candies can be eaten anytime. Even if they linger long into April no one need ever know that they are Easter Candy. Seasonal Candies, however -- Reese's Easter Eggs, Chocolate Covered Eggs, Chocolate Bunnies, and of course, Peeps -- they must go.

So today my husband and I began the ritual of getting rid of those Peeps That Have Lived Too Long. I have taken a photographic journal of the process. Readers with young children may want to remove them from the room because the images are graphic.


The Peeps at Home. Waiting for Easter.
















The Beginning of the Post Easter Ritual. Requisite Plank to Walk and Boiling Pot of Water.















Peep Number One is Sweating Bullets.


















Peeps Never Want to Walk the Plank. My Husband Must Encourage The First Peep by telling it there is always next year. Oh, and poking it with a Fork.

Descent . . . Didn't They Make a Movie About This?

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Notice how the "skin" melts off. Eww.

The next Peep in line is a bit demoralized after watching the first Peep jump.

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But in the end . . . peeps forever! Hey, can I make this my new logo?

FWD: I'M AN IDIOT

"Edges" - 6 x 6" acrylic on canvas.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Today I got another one of those "if you really loved me . . . God . . . your husband . . . this worthy cause . . . your mom you'd send this to 10 people" e-mails. You're probably more than familiar with them. They usually read as such:

*******
Fwd: Fw: Fwd: The Power of Positive Thought

This story is so amazing! - Mary.

DON'T SCROLL TO THE END! YOU'LL RUIN IT!!!

This time last year a rabbit and a pasta casserole were sealed in a biologically viable container and placed underground to examine the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder on animals that chew cud and main dishes made with reduced salt. The rabbit, named Angela, and the casserole, named Lucky, who would've otherwise never met, became fast friends in this unlikely environment. They fondly spent many dark evenings in each other's company until finally the scientists unearthed the container; the scientists gave Angela a medical and psychological examination while they ate the casserole. Heartbroken, Angela wandered for many years, unable to find such an amazing listener as Lucky. But in her heart she believed that she would again find someone special to her, and as such, she made Goals and lists and wrote letters to the Great Rabbit in the Sky, never giving up.

Angela took ill in her old age and was taken to a rabbit hospital. As she lay there, watching bad tv on the hospital television and wondering if her time was done, the nurse came in with her lunch. It was . . .


YOU GUESSED IT

pasta casserole. Angela's story shows us how positive thought can bless our lives. She never gave up, and we shouldn't either.

If you send this email to 5 people in the next 5 minutes, you will receive a wish. If you send it to 10 people, you'll get a wish and good luck for a year. If you send it to 30 people, a holographic rabbit will appear on your desk and perform a magic trick.

DON'T BREAK THE CIRCLE! IF YOU BELIEVE IN POSITIVE THOUGHT, YOU'LL PASS THIS ON!!!!!!

*****

Can I describe how much I hate these things? Even better are the ones that say something like "You're a True Friend" and ask you to forward to all your true friends and the person who sent it to you. The implication being, of course, that if the sender doesn't receive it back from you, he/ she will know what an absolute callous lug you are.

I won't do it. I refuse! I will not be held hostage by a forwarded email. Those of you who have sent them to me and haven't heard back, please know that yes, I have true friends, believe in God, embrace the power of positive thought, get angered by child abuse, and find a limited number of "yo mama" jokes to be vaguely amusing. But the buck stops here. My email address will not be a beacon of FWD:POSITIVE THOUGHTS. It will be a beacon of DELETE.

Today I got one that had a photo of a bridge in the body of the email and informed me that if I forwarded it to 5 people, a person would appear standing on the bridge. It asked me if I recognized the person. I didn't do it, but I'm guessing that if I had indeed forwarded it to five lucky, lucky people, and I leaned in real close to see that picture of the bridge, in the vague reflective surface of my monitor, I would've probably recognized an idiot. Me. Yeah.

What strange and wonderful things people are. Sort of.

eBay glitch

Sorry those of you who thought you missed the sale! An eBay glitch meant that when the first one sold, eBay ended the entire listing. As of 3:30 p.m. on Good Friday there are still two portraits left, and this is the new listing:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140105061497

Sorry bout that!

3 Day Easter Portrait Sale & Spring Update

"Easter Gift" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2006 Maggie Stiefvater.
CLICK HERE FOR EASTER SALE

"Number 15" - 2.5 x 3.5" colored pencil on drafting film.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Click here to bid.

Okay, exciting stuff! The details of my sale are below but please note that if you mention that you're blog readers when you buy a sale piece, it's free shipping! I will be back tomorrow with more art and gibberish (and the wrap up of the Waterhouse project) but until then I'm running around excitedly getting ready to go to a Lunasa concert tonight. Rock on!!!

THE SALE

I always like to do something nice for Easter and this is the last month this year that I'm not completely swamped with portraits, so I've decided to have an Easter portrait sale before I get too busy. I'm offering three 11 x 14" portraits at my 2006 price, $400, instead of my current price, $550. The sale lasts until Easter or when the three portraits are sold - first three people to use the Buy It Now feature get the sale price. And of course, it can be of any subject though I do need to check out the reference photos first to make sure they're usable. And feel free to email me with any questions!

Here is the auction link - it is currently up and running as of 11:15 a.m. on Good Friday.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140104964340

THE ARTICLES

Please also check out the Spring issues of American Carriage Driver and Horses in Art as there are articles about me in both of them, including glossy photos of me smiling, and who would want to miss that?

THE UPCOMING SHOWS

Anyone who wants to see me or my work in person can do so at my first two horse shows of the year, the Virginia International CCI in Lexington the weekend of May 26th, and the Upperville Horse Show the entire second week of June.

THE UPCOMING EXHIBITIONS

I'm having a really wild and unusual solo exhibition in July that is still top-secret at this point (though will appeal to lovers of cars and adrenalin) and I'm in the process of compiling my invitation list for the reception in July. If you're in the Virginia area or are planning on it the first Friday of July and would like to receive an invite, e-mail me your address (portraitswithcharacter @ gmail.com) and I'll add you to the list.

THANKS to . . .

And I would like again to thank the Detroit chapter of the Colored Pencil Society of America for flying me out and hosting my workshop on color last month; I had a wonderful time and it was great to meet all of you!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend with family and friends and please do email me to let me know how you all are doing and how you and your pets are celebrating.

Lessons I Have Learned

"Jack" - 14 x 17" colored pencil on Bristol Smooth paper.
Copyright 2007 Maggie Stiefvater.
Private Commission. e-mail me at portraitswithcharacter @ gmail.com for commission details.

Being a crazy person, I decided to go grocery shopping alone with my two toddlers. I know, pure insanity. But the pantry contained nothing but canned beans, Dora the Explorer cereal (yes, there is such a thing), and pureed tomatoes. And the fridge wasn't much better - just shredded cheese (Mexican blend! fiesta time!), half a stick of unsalted butter, and a container of ricotta cheese. I do not know any lactose intolerant people, before you ask.

So into the car I went, to brave the 35 minute drive each way to the grocery store. As with all road trips with my children, it was an eye-opening and educational experience. Lessons I learned today:

• When picking out rewards for your toddlers' good behavior, don't choose the three foot diameter bouncy ball, no matter how good a deal it is. You will not be able to fit any groceries other than toothbrushes, sausage, and tortillas into the cart along with it.
  
• When a perky college looking dude follows you to the diaper aisle and says, "Can I ask you a question?", you should hit him quickly before he can try to sell you a magazine subscription.
  
• Children will pop every bead off a bracelet in 10 seconds, whether or not it's on sale.
  
• When loading your car, make sure the dinner rolls are out of the rolling runway of the 2 liter Pepsi bottles. Hey, flatbread is always popular, right?
• If the drive-through lady is looking in your car with a strange look, it's because one of your children has frosting crusted onto his eyebrow region like some kind of Quasimodo fungus.
• Try and remember that your kids goaded you into opening the sun roof before you use the windshield washer while driving.
  

All in all, it wasn't as bad as I expected. Nobody died. The car still smells all right. I resisted the urge to hit the Texas college boy and instead encouraged him to divulge multiple personal details about himself before turning down his magazines, hopefully leaving him feeling cheap and used. I discovered that windshield wiper fluid has a light and delicate scent appropriate for almost any occasion. I cannot complain. A more productive day than many of mine in college.