Confessions of a Buffy Virgin

So, as I mentioned earlier on my LJ, I was until last month a Buffy-virgin.

Buffy-virgin. noun. A person who has never seen an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, thus causing her to miss thousands of Buffy references throughout her entire life. The last straw will be when her editor who doesn't even own a TV makes a Buffy reference.

I broke down. I got the first season on Netflix and I have now lost my Buffy-cherry. And it's, um, sort of addictive. Like -- it's so campy, but I can't stop watching. Some of the episodes were so bad we were laughing for all the wrong reasons, but we just kept . . . watching.

I'm a little perturbed that the vampires have pretty faces and ugly faces (or in the case of Jessie, weird-ass faces and ugly faces). And the master sounds like he needs some Krispy Kremes. If I'd been several decades without Krispy Kreme donuts and sweet tea, I'd be calling for the blood of teenagers and clawing my way towards the surface as well.

So. Some thoughts from the resident virgin.

Buffy: what is up with this chick's wardrobe? One episode, I can see through her cleavage to her belly-button and the next one, she's dressed like a homeless person. Just as I'm wondering where her shopping cart is, she dresses up for a date and comes out looking like a she's a Hellmouth real estate agent.

Willow: First of all, it's kind of creepy how, in real life, Alyson Hannigan never ages. She looks exactly the same now as when she was a newly minted Buffy-character, leading me to believe that she's undead and that her casting in a show called "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is meant to be ironic. She is the supposed-to-be-unpopular-and-geeky-yet-much-cuter-than-99%-of-living-girls character on the show, which is okay, because, this one time, at band camp . . .

Xander: Somebody needs to shoot this boy in the butt with a clue gun. He follows Buffy around Season One like a lost, sick puppy, clearly not seeing that the main character never hooks up with the comic relief. And after that episode in the hyena exhibit, he's dead to me. Do you hear that, Xander? You're dead to me for your laughable music-filled *sexybeast* attempts. Leave the *smolder*ing to Angel.

Giles: Oh, Giles. Thank you for having a British accent. It makes you sound so clevah and makes your obsession with demon-filled books and not with underage teenagers all believable. Does Giles ever go home? I think he lives in the library.

Angel: Angel's chief purpose on the show at this point seems to be to show up in dimly lit places so that he can be half-lit, all the better for him to *smolder*. Buffy goes to the club. Angel shows up. *smolders*. Buffy goes to an alley. Angel shows up. *smolders*. Buffy goes to her bedroom. Angel shows up. *smolderswithtongue* And yet, I put up with all this *smolder*ing because Angel is an angstpuppy and I love to feed and pet and cuddle angstpuppies.

So, verdict?

Yeah. I just got Season Two.